pregnant

12 weeks Pregnant

Boom! Here we are again with another 2 weeks and another #Bumpdate! This week was a big mental turn for me. When I found out we were going to try and have a baby, I was very excited to document it all, share our journey. Maybe work with brands and get some cool stuff for the baby and the nursery. But then, I don't know. Something shifted. Here I am. I'm finally having this 3rd baby I've wanted for years and.... All I'm thinking about is how can this up my social game? What?  It's not me. And I hate being surrounded by an environment like social media where the pressure to share "Re-postable Worthy" images is so strong!! I was constantly looking at my followers number and thinking, "Why didn't that get me any new people?" O "why didn't this photo get more likes?!" "What am I doing wrong?!!!" 

I'll tell ya whats wrong. Suddenly I was living for what everyone else thought. When the whole game plan was to document this journey for ME and our Baby and our family to look back on! So last Saturday I took that power back. I switched my instagram accounts and Kept my personal one private. Now I share my fun images but their on my account where I no longer worry about the number of likes, because Im not posting for others! It's honestly taken so much weight off my mind and has allowed me to enjoy my family and this pregnancy leaps and bounds more! Im not after that perfect shot! Im after one to just remember this moment! Perfect lighting or not!

So, Here I am 12 weeks out. I have my coffee now, not daily but a few times a week. I could go my whole life without alcohol but take my coffee... I could cry!


12 weeks pregnant belly photo

Wow, it worked!

Holy Sh*T! We did it!!! 1st try!! I have been waiting 8 years to see that positive pregnancy test! 8 YEARS!! I know everyones thinking, well that was fast, but for me it was the longest time coming!! I had dreams of hold our baby, I knew her name. What she looked like. Yes Im saying she, we dont know the gender yet but in my dreams she was the realest of reals. I felt like the dreams were glimpse into the future, I knew in my heart we were going to have another baby. I wrote in my journal, Pregnant in July, baby in April. I pictured being pregnant in my mind. My husband holding another baby, the kids laying on the floor with her. For SO long!

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I bought one of those, "Find out 6 days before your missed period test" I was taking a test everyday probably 8 days before my missed period, and oh how my heart hurt when it would say not pregnant. We went to vegas for a weekend, ate alot of great food, kids swam we sun bathed. I didnt have any drinks, although I wanted an ice cold beer so bad! But I felt guilty. I kept telling myself " I'm pregnant. I need to be acting like it."  From the beginning I ate right, stayed hydrated. I took a test the morning of Monday before we checked out. I think my period was supposed to start that coming Friday. I snuck off into the bathroom. Peed on the test. waited, Bobby was yelling," Hurry up in there were heading out!" Waiting waiting... In my brain I was envisioning a positive test and running out to Bobby saying " We're having a baby!!!" And I imagined the whole drive home just beaming,holding my belly with my poppy seed size nugget in there. I could feel the joy! I was tingling waiting for that positive sign!!

And then, there was no positive sign. there was one line. My heart dropped. I mean this was 5 days before my missed period right? So this must be the truth, right? He didn't know that I took the test so I quickly shoved it in my pocket, walked out of the bathroom trying to act like, "Oh I'm totally cool. Just had to pee." I secretly threw the test in my suitcase, zipped it up and away we went to check out. 

It was hot in Vegas, our car, even parked below the Cosmopolitan was hot. Suit cases were thrown in the back and we headed home. When we got home it was still hot, we were all so tired that we left the suitcases in the car to retrieve later that night. I actually didnt open mine to unpack till the next day. The kids were at school, Bobby was at work and I thought, "Well, I better start cleaning!' Started to put my dirty clothes away when that dang test fell out of the pile. I knew I needed to go throw it away, so I picked it up and took it into the bathroom, I didn't want to see its stupid negative face again. But I looked. What the.... is that.... no... what? A faint second light pink line was staring at me. Well my suitcase was left in the hot car, it probably messed with the chemicals or something along that line. But my heart skipped and my mind raced anyways! Shoot! I already peed this morning, I need to wait till tomorrow to take another test! But I didnt wait! lol. I took another test. Son. Of. A. Bitch. there it was. That faint 2nd line again. Dose this mean? YUP!!!! Omg, omg, omg! 

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I cant tell you how many more test I took. Freaking pinch me. Everyday it was like I woke up to take a test to make sure I wasn't dreaming! I finally bought a digital one because I needed to see the word "PREGNANT" Best $7 I ever spent!

 I thought before hand how I wanted to tell Bobby. I had some pretty creative ideas, but when I saw that 1st test I lost all self control. I sent him this photo and I said," Does this mean..." I waited for his reply. He called me. " Whats it a picture of?" He asked... What does he think its a picture of? Lol. He was out of service and the photo wouldnt load, he just saw my words. "What does what mean?" He asked. Oh man, lame phone service!! I said, "I sent you a photo of a pregnancy test!" "And?" He asked. "And, we're having a baby." I replied. There were alot of "Seriously's, and whaaaaaat? and omgosh's. He was instantly in love. We're 10 weeks now, and he's seriously the most amazing partner I could ask for. He lets me take naps, brings me bottles of water at night time, his hand is ALWAYS on my belly, even though I feel like I dont have a solid belly yet and I just look chubby. I can't wait to see him hold his baby. I can't wait to watch him nap and talk to them. My heart could burst and I could drown in tears right now because I feel like Im dreaming.